Almost Anniversary

Around this time last year I decided to buckle down and take The Novel seriously. It had a slow start and took several months to accomplish, but I had a first rough draft of The Novel in about five months. Like most first drafts, it was fairly cringe-worthy. But as Hemingway said, "The first draft of anything is shit."

Thankfully, there were some very redeemable things about The Novel that warranted a second draft. I'm still slogging through the "First Act", trying to iron out some major plot issues and redirect focus from less important people/events. It's a lot of time staring at a computer screen.

Editing is a uniquely painful process because so much heart and soul went into the first draft, but now it must be pulled apart, inspected, tested, reviewed. They say "murder your darlings" and learning to let go of a scene, character or chapter can be rough.

One of the biggest tasks so far is keeping the story in check, keeping it from sprawling out and taking on too many subplots or new faces. The other is balancing information I give to the reader. There should be questions (these questions keep you reading) but they shouldn't be distracting (what is going on? who is this person? why does this matter?).

The most interesting writing session so far was when I realized a character was going to die. It's true, we writers actually sometimes cry when we write character deaths. It wasn't the first one I'd written, but somehow the situation and the circumstances conspired against me. It wasn't easy, but it was right.

As Robert Frost said:

"No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader."

DREAM ON

Two things run rampant this time of year: nostalgia and resolution making.
 
I don't really want to dwell on 2013 and the nostalgia factor. It was a year that knocked the breath from my lungs more often than not. Its predecessor hadn't been a very good year, either. But I will say this about 2013: I survived. And some days, those two words are all that matter.

Traditionally, we look back on the past 365 days and celebrate our successes, mourn our losses, and gather from the experiences an idea for a new course of action - a resolution.

But if we're really honest with ourselves, how long do these New Year Resolutions last? Some people find success, of course, but there's enough jokes about failed attempts out there to show that failure is not only possible but often expected as the outcome. Personally, I rarely make a resolution. Mostly because I know myself pretty well and the typical resolutions of "eat healthier" and "exercise more" aren't something that I'd stick to just because I decided to start the new year right. If I was really committed to the idea, I could have started anytime.

A resolution shouldn't be a half-hearted sentiment dredged up because it's tradition to pick something you will inevitably forsake. The word resolution is a strong one, and its definition includes determination. The people who succeed at their resolutions have it. Maybe they were going to do it anyway. The New Year was just convenient. So this brings me to the idea that's been rattling around in my brain. Don't set a typical resolution. These things we choose to try in the New Year are meant to help us be a better person, a better version of ourselves. So pick something that matters and will fill you with determination. Here's a few examples:

Vocabulary
Stop using lazy phrases and pop culture trash words. Stop calling everything "amazing" or "awesome" because everything can't be "amazing" or "awesome". Think about what you say before you say it and allow yourself to articulate what you mean. Learn new words. Maybe even conquer the difference between it's and its.

Veritas
Don't believe everything you see on the internet. Just because someone posts something on Facebook doesn't make it real. Ditto for newscasts. Take time to look into something before you get swept up in the group think. Forge your own (informed) opinion. And while you're at it, take time to learn something new. Brush up on some history, study art, make art. Be seekers of truth.

Volunteer
I always marvel at people who say they don't have time. They have plenty of time. They've just filled it with stuff. Make an effort to fill your time with stuff that matters. Give your time to people less fortunate or to a cause that is a passion. Most non-profits have volunteer opportunities, from homeless shelters to hospitals. Think about joining a social/charitable/volunteer organization. De-emphasize yourself for a while. It really does change you.

Visualize
Make goals and surround yourself with people who will support you in the pursuit of these goals. Negative people divide and destroy good things. They may not realize they are negative and they may not realize how harmful they are, but they do more harm than good. These people may have been friends, they may have been in opposition to you. Do your best to guard your heart from them.

I haven't decided on my own goals yet for 2014. I will say that the main goals I wrote down a couple of years ago (when challenged to have goals) have mostly been met. I've also had to deal with some very scary things, emotional upheaval and a lot of uncertainty. But the year is still quite new, and with it some exciting new challenges are coming my way. New job, new experience with the Jaycees, and trying to get The Novel polished. So I figure those things will keep me busy for a while. Just remember, friends, whatever you choose to do translates into who you will be.

It's in every one of us to be wise
Find your heart
And open up both your eyes
We can all know every thing
Without ever knowing why
It's in every one of us by and by

the end is the beginning is the end...

I started this blog on April 30, 2013 as an attempt to help myself with my writing. Early on, the ideas for blog posts came frequently and I was able to write a blog post and 1,000 words for my word-a-day goal easily. Writing got hard a few times. Really, really hard. It's hard to focus and sit in front of a computer when things elsewhere just seem to be falling apart. I've shared before that I love Stephen King's book On Writing. It's a fascinating "behind the scenes" look at his career, full of outstanding writing advice, and has a heart-wrenching account of the accident that nearly killed him. Yes, I almost cry every time I read it. One of the best things King said in that book was this:

"Writing is not life, but I think that sometimes it can be a way back to life."

On July 5, 2013 I talked about the personal milestone of 7,000 words. Let me put this in perspective. I had been struggling to write, to write with commitment, I should say, for a while. I let myself go over the first few chapters several times until I was sure that the beginning of the story was okay, which accounts for such a delay to reach that milestone. I was going through those early stages of writing. Out of habit, writing 1,000 words felt like it took all night. But as time passed, the writing got easier. Case in point: today, October 30, 2013, I wrote more than 4,000 words.

Now, it certainly helped that I had a heaping pile of personal inspiration. I was pretty determined to finish the First Draft of The Novel by 10/31/13, if only because November 1 was the start of National Novel Writing Month, aka NaNoWriMo, aka NaNo. Conveniently, this endeavor has you write 1,667 words a day for a month, so that at the end you have a novella (or the start of a novel) that equals 50,000 words.

Why am I even considering this, having just finished the grueling, months long process of reaching 104K on my First Draft? Because a) It would be a Real Shame to let me writing muscles relax and get flabby again and b) I need to get my mind off The Novel nicknamed Dust so that I don't look at it Right Now and c) Because there's always another story to tell.

Having reached my goal, I'm still not entirely sure I like the ending. But it's done enough that it's time to set it aside and work on something else for a while. Let those muses rest and recover so that I can look at it later with fresh eyes. But, Dear Readers, I have not forgotten you who have followed the meandering climb of my word count as it scrolled through your Newsfeed. So here is something special, just for you...a horrible one sentence synopsis!

In a realm recovering from war, soldiers are disappearing and it is the scorned Captain of the queen's guards that must face the past and choose how to fulfill the oath sworn: to protect the crown and the realm.

Next up? NaNo Novel 2013 - something something something

Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe.
The Sandman: A Game of You, Neil Gaiman

this love affair

I was a toddler when I became addicted to books. There was this book at the grocery store, and I wanted it desperately but my Mother was not the kind of woman who bought something for her child every time she went to the store. So after numerous trips to the store and me still wanting the book, guess what showed up in my Easter basket? There's a picture of me, diapered butt up in the air (my "ladylike" ways were strong, even then) as I bent over this book, kissing it with joy.

This particular book is also the source of my sibling rivalry. Thomas ripped that very same book when he was a young boy. I stopped thinking my little brother was so great after that. Don't worry, we've come back full circle and he's more than so great these days. In fact, one year he tracked down an old copy of that same book and gave it to me for Christmas.

When the family got the news we'd be trading the hills of Onondaga County in Upstate New York, I was told I had to get rid of books. I remember sitting on the floor of the house, crying. I don't think it was just about the books, but that was definitely a Big Deal.

I read a lot of fables, mythology and fairy tales - the real ones mind you, the ones collected by the Brothers Grimm, those written by Hans Christian Anderson, and the ones where things weren't always so happily ever after. I devoured books and stories until one day I had the idea to start writing on my own. Fast forward a couple of years here and there, and here we are. I'm reading less but writing more (only so many hours in the day) and it occurred to me that it might be interesting to compile a list of my "go to" books, the ones that I've read and re-read and fall in love with over and over again. They are in no particular order, because I have a very hard time ranking things like that.

Dune - Frank Herbert
Alice in Wonderland/Through the Looking Glass - Lewis Carroll
The Hobbit - J R R Tolkien
Neverwhere - Neil Gaiman
Watership Down - Richard Adams
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
Til We Have Faces - C S Lewis
On Writing - Stephen King

I know I'm forgetting some, but I'm trying not to spend all night writing a blog post as I procrastinate writing (I'm at a hard part). The above books I've read numerous times; so often I've lost track. Below is a list of books that have been pretty influential in my reading career, in case anyone is looking for something to try. Some of them are very obvious, but not everyone is as nerdy as me.

The Dark Tower Series - Stephen King
Harry Potter - J K Rowling
Lord of the Rings - J R R Tolkien
Song of Fire and Ice - George R R  Martin
The Lightbringer Series - Brent Weeks
Widdershins and The Onion Girl - Charles de Lint
The Looking Glass Wars - Frank Beddor
Stardust - Neil Gaiman
American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman
A Wrinkle in Time - Madeleine L'Engle
Chronicles of Narnia - C S Lewis
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess

And did we say nerdy? How about a short list of comic books...

Batman: The Killing Joke - Alan Moore
Batman: Hush - Jeph Loeb
Y The Last Man - Brian K Vaughn & Pia Guerra


Happy reading...

I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with.
Plato

the struggle

I've been struggling to keep my writing pace lately. I had hit a few issues with plot that I wasn't sure how to resolve and had to take a break from writing until I could get things back on track

Having just crested the 43,000 word mark, I'm feeling fairly committed to The Novel, the story that's unfolding and the characters that are in precarious or uncomfortable situations and are relying on me to provide an end. It can be grueling some days, when I slog through what feels like hundreds of words and I feel certain that I've nearly met the daily goal only to discover I've accumulated 200 words.

Lately I'm trying to make sure that I'm not straying too far from the first chapter and the struggle that it conveyed. There are a few scenes I'm building toward, weaving character interactions together and revealing more and more backstory. The good news is, I find it pretty interesting and hopefully that's a good sign.

Shutting the door and shutting out the world to write can be a challenge, and stringing word after word after word together is sometimes numbing. But writing brought me back, and despite the frustrations and the annoyances, I return to it again and again.

George Orwell said, "Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness. One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand."

I have a large drawer full of notebooks and loose pages of notes and drafts and ideas. Some of them are the first incarnation of what I now call The Novel and they present a very different story. Some of the elements have remained the same as I've refined the idea, edited out things I knew weren't right (murdering those darlings) and kept some of the basic ideas. This story has gone through more incarnations that I can count, but it's always been brewing in the back of my mind. And when another idea struck, I saw the two combine - and that's when the current story began to emerge. It's taken years for this story to come forward and some days it's like pulling teeth to get it on the page; others I can't write fast enough.

Writing the First Draft is a lonely process. I have to be tight lipped about the story and work to get it on the page instead of letting it slip away. I think I'm coming up on being near halfway through (if I follow something like a Three Act story model) but I'm going by feel more than word count on that point. This does mean that the book itself might end up being about 86,000 words at its First Draft.

I should probably get back to working on that.

The first draft of anything is shit.
Ernest Hemingway

A glimpse...

In recent days, I crossed another writing milestone. The Novel has a count of more than 30,000 words. It would have had more, but after writing a scene I realized it didn't settle well with me and I edited most of it out of existence, salvaging what I could. It meant I shifted from 32,000 words back down to just over 30,000, but I felt better about the story. I believe in-the-moment edits are worthwhile, as long as they are not distracting. If the problems are glaring enough during this most initial phase of writing, I may as well put the time into making it right now instead of later, when the ideas and inspiration aren't as fresh.

I'm at a point in The Novel where I've deviated from the main Point of View characters to introduce another perspective. Potentially there will be two new POV characters, but I haven't decided yet if one of the chapters will stay where it is (or be removed all together); I may move it further up in the order necessitating another chapter or two from that character before reaching the conclusion of "Act I".

Sometime during the past week, I've had two people ask me about The Novel and present the inevitable question of "What are you writing about?" This is always a wonderful question to ask, and it delights me when people take the time to show genuine interest in my writing. In some ways it's encouraging, and a boost to keep writing and keep adding those words to the total. But it always has the down side as well. Just as magicians never reveal their secrets, most authors aren't going to tell you the what too far in advance. It's like having a really really really really great secret. Once it's told, the secret isn't as awesome because it's out there, in the open.

Spilling the beans too early means the desire or the need to keep writing goes away. If I give the premise of the story away, there's no real reason to continue spending hours a day writing.

By the same token, I know there have been a lot of people keeping an eye on where this is going and I appreciate all the support. I hope that one day I can write one of those amazing acknowledgements that gives me the opportunity to thank my friends for the support during the creation of The Novel. For now, a generic thank you is presented to all of you, and because so many people are curious, I've decided to share a sample from The Novel. I'm not telling you anything of the context, the character or the part of the story that this takes place, but here you go:

He was a stranger to this place and the despair he felt was all his own.

Hope you enjoyed your preview of The Novel. Some day, maybe you'll come across that sentence again, and you'll remember when you first read it here. Until then, keep doing what you do, and be excellent to one another!

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
Maya Angelou

Strike that....

Writing a good story is hard work. It's not too difficult to put words on a page. Given the right incentive, almost anyone could sit down and type up 1,000 words a day to create some sort of story that some people may consider interesting enough to read. Crafting a story that doesn't have grammar, syntax, plot, character or other blatant flaws takes a little more practice. It also takes editing.

Sometimes that means ditching about 2200 words of progress so you can go back and re-write the chapter from another character's point of view. It can be painful, but it makes it worthwhile in the end to do something for the good of the story. It might not be easy, but it's likely the right thing to do.

Life has these editing moments as well. There are certain things about my story that I just cannot change. I have a slew of chronic issues, including asthma, allergies, IBS, GERD, migraines, idiopathic hypersomnolence, and chronic widespread pain. I can treat the symptoms, but I'm not really going to get rid of any of those things.

I can however, make changes that will help mitigate these conditions. I can eat better food, drink less soda, have daily exercise...you get the idea.

I think negativity is a big thing to edit out of your life - wherever possible. The first step starts at home, so examine your outlook. Try to look at things from a positive view. Not everyone can do it, but that's okay. Trying is key. Sometimes trying becomes doing, after a while. What might be a bigger help is looking at the company you keep. Are there negative people around you? People who don't support you, people who openly oppose you? Can you prevent yourself from spending time with them? This is important because we tend to act and react like the people around us. Surround yourself with negativity and people who tear you down, guess what happens?

I'm not saying any of these "Life Edits" are going to be easy, but if I've learned one thing over the past several years, it's that sometimes the hard choices are the right choices.

There are going to be some things that we can never change. I'm always going to be a bit of a klutz and my eyes are uneven and sometimes I laugh really loud. But I can work on being kinder, more patient, and more accepting of people, including myself.

Writing again (consistently, with purpose) is one of my Life Edits, along with daily activity (mostly walks) and a few other changes. At the end of July, I'm a few hundred words short of 24,000 words (thanks to some actual editing) and have every reason to believe I'll finish the month at 25,000. My goal is to have a pretty decent first draft by the time my birthday rolls around in September. We'll see if I have to edit that goal sometime next month.

Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.
Stephen King, On Writing

Put down everything that comes into your head and then you're a writer. But an author is one who can judge his own stuff's worth, without pity, and destroy most of it.
Colette, Casual Chance