Against the dying of the light...

The words have been hard lately. I think sometimes it's not a case of Writer's Block at all; we just don't want to tackle the words we ought to write. Something has been strong in my mind, yet I couldn't bring myself to put it down. It would make it all too real. But I cannot hope to conquer if I will not face my fears. I believe that to achieve honesty in my writing, here and elsewhere, I have to be honest. So I have to confess: I've lied to you.

I don't mean to cause alarm. It's just that too often when people ask how are you there's not really an option for an honest answer. At work, customers usually hear I'm great, thanks for asking! The friends and family discount means it's usually a less enthusiastic answer, ranging from fine to good or if I'm feeling more honest, tired or having a bad pain day. I know that I ask people how they are on a daily basis. Chances are, they're lying to me, too.

Depression isn't something you talk about easily. I could take the easy way out and point to the amazing blog post at Hyperbole And A Half and leave it at that. But that's a little too casual.

Picture courtesy of Hyperbole and a Half

I'm better than I was a a year ago, but it has been a long road. I don't have an official diagnosis, but for a long time I guess I didn't realize something was not quite right. It's easier on the outside, looking in, to see when things are off balance in such a drastic way. For me, I was too busy dealing with the moment to think about the big picture. And on the occasions where I realized that I might need the support of a friend, I didn't know how to make that phone call. I stared at my phone, trying to think of a casual way to start a conversation. Some of us really don't like to impose on others. We're often the same people who will go out of our way to help others.

I was in a long line at the grocery store yesterday evening, trying my best to be patient. It wasn't anyone in particular's fault. I have a tendency to lose patience in the grocery store when there are too many people. And I had too many groceries to make use of the self-checkout. An older woman was ahead of me, back starting to hunch, fingers gnarled with a tell-tale sign of arthritis. I set the grocery divider at the end of the belt and she apologized for not doing it for me. Somehow, we got on the topic that it was her daughter-in-law in line ahead of her, helping. I smiled and said how good it was to have people to take care of us.

And that's really the point I'm trying to make.

It's easy to forget things, to say the wrong thing, to make a mistake, to forget to call, write, email or Facebook. It's easy to take offense, to place blame, to think someone sees things the same way we do and get angry when they don't. Sometimes it's hard to see through the haze of our own hardships. But we always have the opportunity to help bring goodness into someone else's life.

Through their actions, my parents taught me how vitally important it is to take care of each other. Whether it's a family member, close friend or a stranger, we can all do something to help the other people in our lives. Because we all have hard times, and chances are when you look at someone and you ask how are you, they might not have the right words to tell you they're not fine.

Take care of each other. Words aren't always easy. Love is.

Who Honors those we love for the very life we live? Who sends monsters to kill us and at the same time sings that we'll never die? Who teaches us what's real and how to laugh at lies? Who decides why we live and what we'll die to defend? Who chains us and who holds the key that can set us free?

It's you.

You have all the weapons you need. Now fight.
-Suckerpunch